It was a brisk and beautiful early morning as we were loading up our van to head out on a camping trip. We were packing up the last things and told our kids to go run around the block to burn some energy before sitting in the car for a 5 hour drive. We got the cooler in, threw the sleeping bags on top of everything and the kids returned from their jaunt down the street. They quickly ran inside to all go potty and came back out to load up and get buckled. As we were buckling the last kid into their seat and about to shut the slider, the police rolled up.

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A neighbor had seen our kids walking together without a parent and called the police. Now I’m sure this neighbor had good intentions and was genuinely concerned for the well-being of our children, but the question I can’t help but ask is why? No matter how well meaning the call was, why would someone be concerned that 4 kids are happily and excitedly running together down a street with no parent directly nearby? Is 7am a common time for kidnappers to jump out and grab happy children in a middle class neighborhood? What are we so scared of that we can’t allow our kids to play on the very street they live without a hovering adult right by their side?

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A 1979 child rearing series presented a checklist for parents to see if their child wais ready for 1st grade. Among coloring inside the lines and counting 8 to 10 pennies correctly, was “Can he travel alone in the neighborhood (four to eight blocks) to store, school, playground, or to a friend’s house?”

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Since 1979 we’ve demanded intensely more of our kids academically and intensely less of our kids in capability. Could you imagine a 6 year old today walking a few blocks to a store alone and buying something for his family? My kids get asked where their mom is in the grocery store when I’m one aisle away, let alone four to eight blocks away.

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What I come back to though is, what kind of kid do I want to be raising? Do I want to be raising kids who care more about cleanliness than courage?  Who shrink from challenge or readily face adversity? Who cry out in panic or problem solve amidst failure and pain?

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I want to raise kids who are brave.

I want my kids to not let fear stop them from living a life of faith, doing WHATEVER God asks them to do.

I want my kids to stand up for what’s right, even if they're the only one doing so.

I want my kids to know they are loved and provided for and protected by a mighty God who loves them far more than even I, their worrying mother does.

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If we are to raise kids who are brave in a world filled with fear that expects so little of them, we must be intentional. We must take thoughtful action to instill bravery in our kids.

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Below are some ideas on how to start instilling bravery in our kids.

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1. Story

Giving our kids a framework of bravery is a key element in them knowing how and when to be brave. Just like it’s stories of murder. kidnapping, and accidents that fill us with fear and create pictures of what if’s, it’s stories of heroism, self-sacrifice, and courage that fill us with bravery and create pictures of honorable action. Reading stories to our kids with characters who venture into the unknown, fight a dragon, or defend their loved ones gives our kids the opportunity to imagine themselves stepping into the same kind of bravery. Below is a list of some of our personal favorites to read with kids.

Pro tip: Your kids may not sit perfectly still as you read, in fact sometimes playing with legos, drawing, or crafting actually helps kids listen better.

• St. George and the Dragon by Margaret Hodges
• The Kitchen Knight by Margaret Hodges
• The Dangerous Journey by Oliver Hunkin
• The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
• The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
• Little Britches by Ralph Moody
• The Wilderking Trilogy by Jonathan Rogers
• The Princess and the Goblins by George MacDonald
• The Princess and Curdie by George MacDonald
• Laddie by Gene Straton Porter
• Little Men, and Jo’s Boys by Louisa May Alcott
• Call of the Wild by Jack London
• My Side of the Mountain by Jean George
• King Arthur and His Knights by Howard Pyle
• The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle
• Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

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2. Language

The words we use and the way we speak in the midst of danger or fear have a huge impact on our kids’ perception of the world around them and their own capabilities. If you spend 15 minutes at a park just listening to the parents, often the most common phrase you will hear repeated again and again is “be careful!” That phrase runs out of parents’ mouths without them even thinking, but is that really what we are wanting? Kids who are extremely cautious and worried about a scraped knee or a dirty shirt?

A simple action step to start instilling bravery in our kids is to eliminate the phrase “be careful” with our kids and match our language with what we are actually wanting. Here are some ideas:

• “Watch where your feet are going”
• “Be aware of your body.”
• “Do you feel capable of doing that?” (if the answer is yes let them try)
• “Wow, you got it?”
• “I’m here if you need me”

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Tips as you retrain your responses in order to instill bravery instead of fear.

Pause: Notice your desire to say “be careful” and pause, take a deep breath.

Reflect: Briefly ask yourself, what is the potential for serious harm here?

 What about this situation makes me uncomfortable?

 What skills is my child learning right now?

Speak: Choose what you say in order to help your child develop awareness of their surroundings and body. Encourage problem solving instead of avoiding the problem.

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3. Space

Our kids will never have a chance to practice being brave if we don’t give them space. I see space as two different needs kids have.

1. Space to play
2. Space to explore

Space to play

Our schedules are so overloaded with school, sports, social events, classes and private lessons, our kids have nearly no time to just play. Play is the time where kids process what they are learning and experiencing. It’s the time they use to act out and enter into the stories they want to live. Kids need the space to play in order to step into bravery first in pretend play then in real life situations. As kids play hide and seek tag out in the neighborhood, they have opportunity to bravely dash for safety or make a distraction for someone else to make a run for it. As kids build something and create they have to problem solve and discover their ability to overcome failure.

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Space to explore

Giving our kids measures of freedom to explore the world around them without hovering hands so close we can snatch them up before they even scrape a knee is crucial in our kids knowing they can take risk, they can overcome, they have what it takes. Our kids are much more capable than we often give them credit for. The key is proper training. Giving our kids freedom to play outside without us directly watching their every move requires they know the boundaries they are allowed to explore within, then obeying those boundaries. Kids long to be trusted and to have freedom so the simple consequence of taking that privilege away for a time until they prove they can follow the boundaries is a pretty effective training tool. Being outside, in nature is the best place for kids to step into bravery as they climb a tree, venture through the bushes, dive under a wave, or slide down a big hill on a giant piece of bark they made into a sled. Some ideas to get your kids exploring within boundaries are:

• Yes, go climb that tree but make sure you are only using branches thicker than your wrist.
• Yes you may go play outside but stay on this side of the street between that light pole and that blue car in the driveway down there.
• Yes, go play in the creek/puddle/mud/water, but you have to keep your face out of the dirty water.
• Yes, you may walk to the neighbor’s house but you have to come back by 4:30.
• Yes, go explore over there while I stay at the playground with your sister, but don’t go past the big tree.
• Yes, build a fort with all our scrap wood but you will have to clean it up before our small group comes over on Thursday.

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4. Refuge

Bravery is much easier to step into when we know we have a place to go when we are hurt, mess up, or feel afraid. Having a place to belong and feel safe, protected, and cared for gives us the confidence to step into places that feel scary. We offer that to our kids in the home we create, but even more in the way we teach them to trust in a mighty God as their protector, provider, and sovereign Lord.

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Ultimately our anxiety, fear, and worry about our kids future and current well-being does little to ensure they remain safe. A key to instilling bravery in our kids is examining our trust in the God who made them and loves them more than we do. Do we really trust that God will sustain us, will be our refuge and our strength, an ever present help in time of need?

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When we know and trust the promises God makes in the Bible, and trust that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, then we can trust that He will indeed take care of our children, no matter what. That doesn't mean they won’t get a broken bone or a rare illness or a broken heart. But it does mean they can know a God who will be with them amidst it all, bringing the peace, joy, and goodness that are in His presence.

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As the words of Psalm 91 become the truth of how we live and how we teach our kids to live, bravery will be a natural outflow.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

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